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A wild mind, in no way mundane or constant.

Always thinking, evolving, moving.

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Panic, my story- part 1

I had my first panic attack my sophomore year of college. I was sitting in my then boyfriend’s apartment, on his roommate’s ugly hand-me-down couch. We were watching something on Netflix, getting ready to go to a party. To echo the common description of panic attack symptoms, I felt like I was having a heart attack. Some invisible being was choking me and I couldn’t…

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Don’t ask if I’m going to have a panic attack

Here’s two pieces of good advice regarding mental illness: Don’t ask a person who hallucinates what they are seeing and where Don’t ask a person with panic disorder if they are going to have a panic attack Here’s an example of the second: You know I have panic disorder and you are asking me to do something. You ask whether this will cause me to…

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Getting over a mental health relapse

I had my first major panic attack in several years. YEARS. I had deep-breathed my way through those years. I had maintained medication, moved to the city, and started grad school. Then it hit me. It hit me hard. It felt like a sign of complete and utter failure. A relapse. Square one. I felt stuck. It’s hard to get back to normal when the normalcy…

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“What does it feel like to be alive?

Living, you stand under a waterfall.

You leave the sleeping shore deliberately; you shed your dusty clothes, pick your barefoot way over the high, slippery rocks, hold your breath, choose your footing, and step into the waterfall.

The hard water pelts your skull, bangs in bits on your shoulders and arms. The strong water dashes down beside you and you feel it along your calves and thighs rising roughly backup, up to the roiling surface, full of bubbles that slide up your skin or break on you at full speed.

Can you breathe here? Here where the force is the greatest and only the strength of your neck holds the river out of your face.

Yes, you can breathe even here. You could learn to live like this.”

-Annie Dillard, An American Childhood